MeekinOnMovies On....Wolfenstein: The New Order

Game: Wolfenstein: The New Order
Platform: Xbox One (Also available on PS4, Xbox 360, PS3, and PC)
Price: 59.99
Did I Pay For It: No.

Wolfenstein: The New Order out Duke Nukem Foreveres Duke Nukem Forever. No offense to the developer, but this game had zero buzz before release. Then it came out roughly the same time as Watch_Dogs, and the reaction has been overwhelmingly positive. Why?

Because Wolfenstein: The New Order wildly exceeds low expectations. The graphics are pretty, the story is coherent and creative, the controls are tight, and while pretty standard, the first person shooter gameplay has a couple of tricks up it sleeve to keep things fresh. But beyond that, New Order takes what was a typically one-note franchise and expanded it in a way that doesn't betray it roots. While Duke felt stuck in the past, Wolfenstein: The New Order, feels a little ahead of its time.

MeekinOnMovies On....Worms Battlegrounds

Game: Worms Battlegrounds
Developer: Team 17
Platform: PS4, Xbox One (Played on Xbox One)
Price: 24.99
Did I pay for it: No. 

Since 1995 there have been over twenty Worms games across at least half a dozen platforms, ranging from PC to console to mobile to Facebook. This doesn't include the spin-offs and ports, of which there are countless more. The franchise is nothing if not omnipresent. 

Worms adds to that omnipresence, debuting on next gen consoles with Worms Battlegrounds, a noble entry in the series that sets out to deliver tried-and-true turn-based warfare with a side of silly on The PS4 and Xbox One. And at that goal it succeeds - delivering a Worms games with the most weapons in franchise history, Smart Glass stat tracking, and other refinements like worms not all being the same size, without any annoying buzzwords like 'evolved' 'redefined' or 'for a new generation' to falsely gin up interest. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, as they say.

For the uninformed, Worms is a turn-based strategy game that pits your team of heavily customized (and heavily armed) worms against another team in a fight to the death. You attack your enemy by selecting a weapon, an arc for that weapon, and adjusting the amount of power you want to put on it, almost like firing a bow.  The weapons are often times ribald and silly, featuring exploding sheep and holy grenades shaped like the Pope's hat, as well as rocket launchers, grenades, automatic rifles, dynamite, in-map crates with various utilities and way, way, more.

The way, way, more includes a litany of customization options, from changeable dialects and worm names, to hats, to accessories, to what your grave stone will look like when you lose a worm. Oddly, the trickiest thing to figure out was how to rename your entire team. 

The game's single player campaign is serviceable, narrated by a British lass who makes jokes that she thinks are funnier than they really are. These missions introduce a variety of scenarios and objectives that aren't kill all the enemies, and is perfectly fun in a pinch, but in reality Worms has always been a multiplayer focused game. 

With good reason, of course. Engaging in a round of Worms Battlegrounds with a friend who wants to win just as badly as you is chaotic, intense, and occasionally awe inspiring as an errant shot explodes a nearby fire barrel and a cascading series of events occurs, leaving all players dumbfounded, and many worms dead or wounded. Worms Battlegrounds' gameplay is as serious as its presentation is joyful.

Unfortunately controlling that joyfully intense gameplay can be a bit cumbersome at first, especially if you're trying to coerce friends into playing. Selecting weapons and items with the B button without apparent tool tips results in a lot of trial and error as you're not sure if what you selected is the teleporter or something else. Eventually these kinks work themselves out, and then you really only have to worry about confusing the X button and the A button, as A uses your selected item and X jumps, whereas pretty much every video game in the history of the medium has used the A button for jumping. 

This is a confusion that dissipates, but if you go play another game and come back to Worms Battlegrounds, you'll occasionally activate an item you didn't mean to and blow yourself up. These problems multiply ten fold when in the hands of someone who isn't knowledgeable about Worms games. On one hand this makes for another layer of thoroughly enjoyable chaos, but on the other, screwing up what you wanted to do because you forgot what button to hit, feels a bit unfair, if not oddly realistic.

This does little to stymy the joy of the game, though. The franchise is just as charming as ever, even if literally every element feels familiar. The worms talk like high pitched chipmunks, saying all manner of silly things depending on the situation, and the graphics are colorful and bright. Seeing the game on a 'true' HD console is pretty as all heck, and there's no noticeable slowdown or other graphical errors.

Look, if you're one of the many people who caught onto Worms at just the right age, you can't help but have positive feelings toward the franchise. The Worms games have been so good at doing what they do for so long, that gamers with even a tangential relationship with Team 17's omnipresent franchise greet new entries with a smile and wistful sigh. It's like a new Tom Cruise movie, you're probably not going to see it because you've had your fill already, but you're glad he's out there, kicking ass and taking names well into his 60s anyway.

I got my fill of Worms in Summer of 2008, on my back porch, with a new laptop, a few friends, crap beer, and mayhem with a side of adorable. My worms were named after characters in a script I was writing, while my friends chose band members and TV show characters. My worms talked in movie titles, my friends went with Irish and German accents. We even dove into the map editor - something that rarely happens in my particular circle of friends. But like noted philosopher Brad Paisley says, the problem with up is that there's always a down. All good things must come to an end, and this era of my life ended.

See, the reason you won't be seeing Tom Cruise's new flick, and don't find yourself frothing for another Worms game is because the franchise is a lot like cold water. You dive in, you're in, and then once you're out, it's hard to jump back in, which is another way of saying the experience of playing Worms the first time is so great that it's hard to recapture the magic on subsequent attempts. By yourself, the campaign serves only to remind you of the fond memories of matches gone by. Online the experience is castrated by a lack of in-person interaction. You need real human bodies, in your personal space, to truly appreciate the breadth of what Worms Battlegrounds has to offer.

Whether or not you want Worms Battlegrounds depends on your situation. If you're looking for the Worms game that makes playing by yourself an enthralling experience, or changes the game so significantly everything old is new again, this version will not scratch that itch. If you have friends you want to introduce to the franchise - and you'll think they'll actually enjoy it, then by all means have at it, just be aware the worst way to get anyone to like anything is to force them to play it with you. 

And if, by chance, you're someone who has never played a Worms game in their entire life? Prepare to be blown away, literally and figuratively, because there's nothing else like it out there, save for the 20 other games with the same name...that are just like it...that you somehow never heard of. Weirdo.

It is literally impossible to go wrong with a Worms game. They are flat out fun, and always great to have around for a party, social gathering, or any time you simply want to fly a superhuman sheep around a 2D map and make it explode. Because really, where else can you get that? 

Rating: 

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MeekinOnMovies On....1001 Spikes

Game: 1001 Spikes

Platform: Xbox One (also available on PS4, Vita, PS3, Wii U, Steam) 

Did I pay for it: No.  

Price: 14.99

Like a stern high school teacher looking over your shoulder during a test and coughing in your ear when your answer to the essay question is only two sentences long, 1001 Spikes guilts you into bettering yourself. You cannot come lightly to it, else perish on a forgotten trap or die jumping directly into an arrow you really should have known was coming.

Taking a retro 2D platforming art style, offering same-screen multiplayer, and hundreds of levels, 1001 Spikes will conjur up ghosts of the first Spelunky, but outside of the visual style and genre and requiring keys to progress to the next level, the games aren't that much alike. Yes, there are traps and spikes and enemies, but Spelunky encouraged speedy and skillful play and 1001 Spikes demands focus and patience. It's the difference between The Fast & The Furious, and Drive - both movies features cars and violence, but they could not be more different. Additionally 1001 Spikes is a bit more streamlined. You have a jump button, and attack button, and that's it - whereas Spelunky involved item shops and all sorts of goodies and nicknacks to aid you on your journey. 

Though by the end of 1001 Spikes fifth level you may be secretly rooting around the level for some cyanide to end your suffering. When people say Golf is a bad way to ruin a good walk, they're essentially saying the intense challenge and frustration of Golf results in a stressful, but ideally rewarding experience. 1001 Spikes is the same way. 

Namely because 1001 Spikes does a wonderful job of setting the rules. You know what a given level is going to entail, you just need to be prepared and maintain focus long enough to succeed - It's like taking that aforementioned test, if you're prepared, it's not nearly as scary as it seems. There are few 'gotchyha!' moments, and despite using 200 of the 1001 lives you're given at the start of the game, I never felt cheated or unfairly punished. Instead I turned the rage inward, blaming myself because I either took a shortcut I shouldn't have, or miss-timed a jump I made a dozen times before out of frustration with my own skill.

1001 Spikes is from Nicalis, the creators of the excellent Cave Story, and they share similarities in their zen like nature. They require peace of mind. With distractions, slamming doors, people talking in your ear, or worries about what tomorrow will bring, 1001 Spikes will eat your lunch all day long. But in a meditative state of concentration, the progress you make is as rewarding as it is enthralling - it's acing a test you studied for. It's getting a birdie on a par 4 hole. It's asking the cute girl from the movie theater out on a date while maintaining eye contact and not stumbling over your words. You find yourself surprised by what you're capable of. 

Which is to say that in its best moments, 1001 Spikes helps you transcend your own perceived limitations. There will be frustration and seemingly impossible challenges, and you will fail way more often than you succeed. But because the failure is your own fault, victory is your own doing too, and all the more sweet because of it. To paraphrase Taylor Mali, 1001 Spikes makes you work harder than you ever could, coughing in your ear that you better not dare waste its time with anything less than your very best.

Rating: 

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Freebie Alert: Dark Souls costs 0 dollars with Xbox Live Gold

Good News! Dark Souls - the super hard, insanely obtuse, wonderfully in-depth, totally beloved action-RPG fondly referred to as "Grown up Zelda" Is available for free if you have an Xbox 360 and live Xbox Live Gold account.

Dark Souls is probably the most popular game that's come to the service that's trying to rival PSN+'s instant game collection, and is hopefully a sign of things to come.

Also available this month will be Charlie Murder on the 360, and Max: The Curse of Brotherhood, and Halo: Spartan Assault on the Xbox One. Additionally a version of Street Fighter IV is being offered as a one-year anniversary of the service.

Check out my review of Dark Souls II here

And my thoughts on the Dark Souls as a whole here

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MeekinOnMovies On A Million Ways To Die In The West

When Kevin Smith got all butthurt about the reception for Cop Out and started bitching to movie critics about how  his little action-comedy wasn't trying to hurt no-one and he didn't understand the criticism, it felt like a filmmaker lashing out because folks didn't like his movie (and he probably didn't either). After seeing Seth MacFarlane's "A Million Ways to Die in The West" and the general reception to the guy from critics, gossip sites, and various internet comment boards, I get where Silent Bob was coming from.

I don't get why Seth MacFarlane is so polarizing and why his movies are either met with enthusiasm or rabid vitriol, especially since his directorial efforts 'Ted" and "A Million Ways to Die in The West" are in reality pretty sweet movies with a surprising amount of heart.

MeekinOnMoviesOn....Ted

Ted follows the exploits of John (Mark Whaaahllberg) and his talking Teddy Bear, Ted (Seth MacFarlane). Things become complicated when John’s girlfriend, Lori (Mila Kunis) starts to think that Ted is a negative influence on John’s life, as surely smoking that much pot, and watching that many cartoons, can’t be good for a fully (some would say over) grown 35 year old man. I know that premise sounds a bit “Script writing 101” but that’s actually pretty okay.

Why? Because Ted's ultimate take away is this: Seth MacFarlane is fluent in cliche. it’s pretty clear that there really isn’t an original thought or idea in his head when it comes to the actual direction of this movie. Every shot, every scene, seemingly every musical sting harkens back to another movie, tv show, song, or fondly remembered gag from decades ago. There are about a half dozen scenes within Ted that show MacFarlane communicates almost exclusively in references to other media.

MeekinOnMovies On...Godzilla (2014)

Godzilla

Directed By: Gareth Edwards, 

Starring: Godzilla, Bryan Cranston, Ken Watanabe, and Aaron Tyler Johnson

Between the Roland Emmerich comedy...thing, and the Japanese movies that haven't aged well, for a time Godzilla was most valuable as an idea. We saw movies that aped Godzilla's genre for low-fi horror movies like Cloverfield, or big budget, tonally bizarre flicks like Pacific Rim. Even watching "Godzilla 2000" requires accepting it as a cheesefest and not so much as an actual movie made with dramatic intent.

However,  thanks in part to director Gareth Edwards and some deft directional choices, it's clear the King of Monsters is back, and anyone who wants to take his crown better bring their "A" game.   

MeekinOnMovies On....The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (Now Available On Demand!)

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty was a short story about a man with an oppressive wife who constantly has flights of fancy in order to escape her meandering omnipresence. Due to its popularity and name recognition, a movie about the short story kicked around Hollywood for awhile, getting attached to names like Jim Carey, eventually finding its way into the hands of Ben Stiller, who stars and directs the very loose adaptation.  

Stiller's a great choice as he's an actor who built almost his entire resume on willingly embarrassing himself in front of Robert DeNiro, Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, and most recently Eddie Murphy. In Meet The Parents he was brilliant at generating palpable uncomfortable silences that made the audience erupt with laughter. In Tropic Thunder he directed Robert Downey Jr to an Oscar Nomination for a comedy. Heck, the only reason Zoolander succeeded is because he played the titular character with such a serious earnestness you legitmately felt bad for the guy.

These are wonderful clubs to have in the bag if you're making a light hearted drama about a guy who thinks too much. And boy oh boy, does he come out swinging.

MeekinOnMovies On...Retro City Rampage

 Retro City Rampage

Did I Pay For It: No

Platforms: PSN / Vita / Windows / Xbox 360 / WiiWare / 3DS

I’ve been gaming for two and a half decades. If I think about it, I haven’t even been potty trained that long. I played games before I rode a bike, kissed my first girl, danced my first jig, or wrote my first word. A controller is as familiar to my hands as a rifle to a rifleman. 

Because of this, I’m intimately acquainted with video game lore; the princess being in another castle, that guard in “Metal Gear” who “feels asleep”, the hollow and oddly chilling whisper of the “Mario Brothers 3” warp whistle (and accompanying tornado), and the nearly limitless list goes on and on. “Retro City Rampage” — a thoroughly enjoyable top-down open-world sandbox game using 8-bit NES style graphics — is fluent in game lore from the 8-bit era.

And I mean fluent. Sure, using a retro graphical style is nothing new these days. Besides “Retro City Rampage”, “Fez”, “Megaman 9” (and 10), “Cave Story” and the so-pretentious-I-shopped-at-whole-foods-for-a-week-after-playing-it “Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery EP”,  all used sprite-based graphics to varying degrees of success. However, “Retro City Rampage” does things a bit differently, drawing (more or less) from the same 64-color palette that the NES had, which is really quite neat for the geekiest game fans among us.

MeekinOnMovies On....Smooth Operators: Call Center Chaos

Smooth Operators: Call Center Chaos

Platforms: XBLA, iOS
Did I pay for it? Yes (XBLA) No (iOS)



When’s the last time your job was the focus of a novel? What about a movie? TV Show? How about a video game? Lets face it, unless you’re living the incredibly exciting life of a cop, drug dealer, vampire, teenage mother, surgeon, space Marine, work in a restaurant of some kind, or are Mark Cuban, your career is probably underrepresented in terms of representation in media - “Pro-Bono Video Game Critic 2014” isn’t happening anytime soon folks. 

But that tide is changing. Farming simulators, truck driving simulators, and even robot vacuum simulators (seriously) are gaining word-of-mouth buzz, and some critical praise too. It seems finding the joy in the mundane is what’s hot in gaming right now, a “new wave” of interactive experiences that ditches the laser guns and damsels in distress for something a little closer to home. 

Case-and-point: “Smooth Operators”, a charming-as-hell call center management simulator, that for iOS. 

MeekinOnMovies on: XCom: The Bureau

The Bureau: XCom Declassified started out as a game no one wanted made and is now a game we're surprised to see. 

In 2010, 2K games endeavored to turn one of the most atmospheric strategy games of all time into a first person shooter, which sat about as well with longtime gamers as a fat guy on an upside down bar stool. Eventually 2K came to their senses and drafted Firaxis to make a proper strategy game after a reasoned and well organized response from gamers across the globe. I’m kidding, gamers lost their shit as they always do. Firaxis released last year’s Xcom: Enemy Unknown to many accolades and positive reviews. It was a blast.

But what of all the work done on that XCom branded First Person Shooter everyone hated? Seemingly everyone thought it disappeared into the vaporware black hole that long ago engulfed StarCraft Ghost, Duke Nukem Forever, The Phantom, and countless other hardware and software titles that were never officially canceled but seemingly disappeared.

Welp, thanks to hard work, a bloated budget, and maybe even a hint of good will brought on by Enemy Unknown, it morphed into The Bureau: XCom Declassified, a strategic third person shooter, with a lot of style and a lot of problems.

MeekinOnMovies On...Super Meat Boy

My relationship with “Super Meat Boy” isn’t unlike an early 90’s romantic comedy starring Meg Ryan. Despite spending years in my peripheral vision, and being told over and over and over again how great of a guy “Super Meat Boy” was (Yes, I’m Meg Ryan in this scenario), I didn’t have the special kind of feelings a lass needs to warrant a commitment. You can’t blame me, right girls? I mean, by design “Super Meat Boy” is the very definition of a high maintenance relationship. It’s a flabby, 2D, sprite-based side-scroller in a world of sexy 3D beach-body graphics and man-scaped polygons. It prides itself on its socially awkward high difficulty level and trial-and-error gameplay.

It was also $15.99 at the time of release, and, if we’re being honest here, who needs the cow when you can get the milk for free; “Super Meat Boy”’s less super predecessor, “Meat Boy” is available completely free, completely legally, in a variety of locations across the world wide web.

Simply put, In today’s day and age, “Super Meat Boy” is no woman’s idea of a man.

MeekinOnMovies on...Ducktales: Remastered (multiplatform)

Ducktales for the NES was one of these ‘underrated’ classics you probably heard about once the internet and nostalgia gaming became a thing. Sure, many gamers probably had the same experience I did: expecting a game based on the “Ducktales” series to suck, then being pleasantly surprised by it being a competent platformer with a neat pogo-stick-y kinda gimmick. It was a good time. Of course, I was…7 years old when that game came out, and if there’s one thing retro gaming has taught me, it’s that pleasant surprises are worse the second time around.

MeekinOnMovies on....Splinter Cell: Blacklist

A part of me likes thinking that somewhere in the Middle East, an American like Sam Fisher is prowling. Clear and present danger abound, mind racing with a dozen different ways the next few seconds could play out. A guard wanders close to his hiding place. Does he take them out with a silenced bullet to the head? Show mercy and knock them out - or simply let him walk by?

America’s security rides on these so-called patriot games, this man’s ability to make the brutal choices correctly, and without remorse. For this man, at this moment, there is no geneva convention, and are politics as far away from his mind as Bradley Manning, a Quarterback for one of those NFL football teams he doesn’t have the time to care about. In a world of gray, his mission is as black and white as it gets. This is about us vs. them, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Freebie Alert: Card Hunter is everything you never knew you wanted.

As a tween, I would bound into my local “Scholars” collectibles store, owned by a guy who I’m pretty sure was Sonny Bono, and ponder the tabletop RPGs. It was daunting in the coolest way. Crazy elaborate terrain setups, paint kits, and magnifying lenses, all for a board game. I would marvel at the pewter Ogres and Dwarves and Warriors, wondering what sort of life I could inject into their little tin hearts. But it was not for me. There were video games to play, you see, and somehow fifty dollars for a game I could play by myself felt better than fifty dollars for tiny creatures I’d need a cohort to enjoy. But still, I wondered.

So upon discovering “Card Hunter” on Youtube personality Alzorath's channel, I kind of fell in love. My precious creatures, sight-lines, and complicated terrains had come to life, little pewter hearts transformed to digital paper stand-ups that had me wondering why my tween self never thought of that. Sure, I had played tactical RPGs before but “Card Hunter” wasn’t just a tactical RPG, it was a Tabletop Tactical RPG with a mainline to my childhood that was free to boot.

10 Thoughts From The First 3 Hours of Watch_Dogs

Watch_Dogs is in house, and while I'm not technically allowed to 'review' it until the 27th of May when the game comes (plus I want to test out multiplayer and various app-related functions), I CAN give some impressions from my time so far. 

Feel free to comment with questions and I'll try my best to answer. 

1. Hacking is cool and there's a bunch of bells and whistles that play into the system to make it worthwhile - for example I accidently set off a big-mouth Billy Bass in a clothing store and made a Rabbid toy make a funny noise. 

2. Chicago feels authentic despite some bizarre geographical changes. Wrigleyville has been moved west and various copyrighted names have been changed, but there are tons of cool tidbits to pick up from 'checking in' at various in-game landmarks. Thus far is there is no Hot Dougs, or Billy Goat Tavern

3. Guns are a part of the game but thus far the game hasn't become a cover shooter. Stealth and forward thinking is the name of the game.

4. There's a bullet-time mechanic; focus, that allows you pull off all sorts of crazy stuff while driving. 

5. The story makes a pretty good first impression, and characters seem to relate to each other with genuine personality, save Aiden, who's all gruff and mysterious and strange. 

6. The multiplayer components seem like a lot of fun, though there's no one to play with online currently. 

7. Driving handles well as does shooting, and it feels like a happy marriage of Splinter Cell-style stealth and Grand Theft Auto-style mass chaos. 

8. Graphicially the game is impressive in scope, there's nothing incredibly mind blowing about the character models or animation, but the way light casts dynamic shadows, how streetlights cast a yellow glow, and one neat touch where standing in front of a projector projected its image onto Aiden makes the whole presentation feel 'next gen'

9. The prognostications of this game being 'bad' have been greatly exaggerated. This is a quality product from a quality studio. Some of the action stuff is samey, sure - but if you like Assassin's Creed, or Grand Theft Auto, or Splinter Cell, or Sleeping Dogs - rest assured this title is up-to-snuff. 

10. Coolest moment so far: Escaping from the cops, triggering a bridge to raise up, driving over the bridge landing on the other side, and being rewarding for my escape.

The opening involving a baseball game and a daring escape is pretty wonderful too. 

Questions? Tweet @MeekinonMovies, or comment here, and I'll answer any questions you may have. 


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Freebie Alert: Pixel People Pleases Passively

Pixel People

What happens when you combine the city building of “Sim City”, the art-style of “Pocket Planes” and the pointless, but still somehow fascinating Commodore 64 game, “Little Computer People”? Well, despite a fairly hard-bitten premise involving the destruction of the world as we know it, and the daunting task of rebuilding it via cloning and splicing of human genetics, you get “Pixel People,” a new free-to-play city-building iOS game that’s adorable as it is compelling.

MeekinOnMovies On.....Dark Souls II

Dark Souls II

Developer: From Software

Platform: Xbox 360 (reviewed)

Did I beat it: No

Did I pay for it: No

So I guess I owe the world a Dark Souls II review after developer From Software was gracious enough to bestow upon me a copy of the game, (and a hopefully ironically intentioned skull shaped stress-ball.)

But after dozens of deaths and giving over forty hours of my life to Dark Souls II, our relationship has yet to solidify. While I respect everything Dark Souls II is trying to be, and is - it's fairly apparent Dark Souls II wasn't made with the kind of gamer I am, in mind.

And what kind of gamer am I? An enthusiast. I'm excited to play anything I can get my hands on, and truly beefy experiences like Dark Souls II are often right in my wheel house. I like games that challenge and entertain and try to do new things. Dark Souls II, on paper, is this. 

While I fully expected to have my ass handed to me - it has a reputation for difficulty to live up too, after all - the real peril came from my war with everything else.   

Freebie: Galaxy on Fire 2 HD for iPhone and iPads

I’m a Trekkie, tried and true. While not as obsessed as some, I enjoy the sciencey bits, the theoretical discussions between space and time, and the way “Star Trek: The Next Generation” employs real scientific consultants to fact check all sorts of data and concepts that were subtly inserted into the show. So as a kid I was always a Jean-Luc Picard kind of guy in a Han Solo world. 

Of course, it became a tough choice as time went on. Classic space games like “Elite 2” and “X3: Reunion” with almost-limitless-as-space depth whisked past my peripheral vision - too obtuse to truly dive into.


Which brings us to the completely free “Galaxy On Fire 2”, the first game in the space pirate/trader genre that I’ve truly sunk my teeth into since the Sega Genesis’s “WarpSpeed”, and I’ve enjoyed it quite a great deal. 

Freebie: You Don't Know Jack (Mobile / Facebook)

In this world, there are few places for B-type personalities to massage their egos. You can write a 13,000 word diatribe defending the “Star Wars” Prequels, get a PHD, get a writing gig, kick-start that graphic novel you’ve been kicking around, but the ability to have an honest-to-goodness pissing contest is the privilege of the macho. So we play trivia. 

But once people know you’re good at it, they don’t want to play with you any more.

Until...you meet a pretty girl. Well, pretty is a disservice. Imagine if you took Rolf the Muppet’s personality and curly hair and put it into a sexy possibly Latina chick. I wooed her with a trip to the giant Dave & Buster’s trivia machine, the sly maneuver of giving my prize tickets away to a kid (after getting her an adorable stuffed penguin - Gerald), and not much else. Trivia came up again, and I mentioned owning “You Don’t Know Jack”. Her eyes lit up, and I was suddenly inviting a girl back to my place to play video games. She was serious about this too. That competitive spirit that had eluded all my friends and most of my acquaintances, was present in this angel of a woman. I needed to win, and she did too and that was freaking sexy.

This is why I fondly refer to the 'old' You Don't Know Jack as the game that got me laid.

MeekinOnMovies On....Grand Theft Auto V

Despite being a massive game, the best parts of “Grand Theft Auto V” are the little details: The way whiskey sloshes around in a glass, how characters show up to cut scenes in their custom saved cars, how surfboards litter the beaches, the numerous dynamic touches like the radio updating you on a given happening you had a hand in, as well as little narrative details that hint at “GTA V” being about something a little bigger than it lets on.

Games With Gold Impressions: Dust: An Elysian Tail (is so God Darn Pretty).

If you have an Xbox 360, Xbox Live Gold, and anything resembling a noggin' in your head, stop reading this and go download Dust: An Elysian Tail right now. For the next 11 days it's free, and it's worth every penny. 

Functionally, Dust is a hack-n-slash platformer with light RPG elements, telling a surprisingly well-acted story about a mythical sword, a nebulous mystery, and a group of heroes that are possibly trying to save the world.

And on paper that all seems nice, but we've all been here before, right? Metroid, Castlevania, and countless (and I do mean countless) games have come and gone that delivered an iteration of a formula without really transcending it. Of course they said that about 'Avatar' on paper, too. 

Like Avatar you need to experience  'Dust: An Elysian Tail' to 'get' it. What is there to get? Only the best 2D animation in the history of gaming. 

Really. 

Yes, even better than Dragon Quest.

MeekinOnMovies on....Trials Fusion (Xbox One)

Trials Fusion is available on the PS3, Xbox 360, PS4, and was reviewed on an Xbox One

Trials Fusion

Trials Fusion is an unholy marriage of Sonic The Hedgehog and Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. While masquerading as an over-the-top motorcycle racing game, in reality it's a tough-as-nails platformer. 

Seriously. Between the flips, jumps, spikes, flame pits, loop-d-loops and bounce pads, I half expected Doctor Robotnic to swing a giant wrecking ball at me at the end of the first world.

It's also a game I'd never buy. When the kind folks at Ubisoft graciously gave me a review code thanks to this blog's surprisingly pungent demographic, I figured I'd see if the title was worth a go for people who wouldn't normally seek this kind of thing out. 

In a word? No.  

MeekinOnMovies On....The Bridge (XBLA)

The Bridge - Ty Taylor & Mario Castañeda / Midnight City

For some reason I equate a good indie puzzler with a bowl of Campbell's Chunky Stew.  The best are hearty and filling, warming your soul with the beef broth of triumph after solving a particularly mind-bending scenario. Whatever the gimmick may be - time bending, perspective shifting, shadow / light mechanics - whatever, serves as the meat, if the meat’s spoiled, no one’s eating anything. The graphical presentation are your veggies. Your potatoes, carrots, dumplings, onions, spices - it is here a good game becomes great, and a great game becomes timeless. 

MeekinOnMovies On....The Amazing Spider-man 2

 "I believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams."

- Aunt May ("Spider-Man 2" 2004)

 
There's a scene about halfway through The Amazing Spider-man 2 where a nerdy 9-year-old kid being bullied is saved when Spidey swings in, scares the bullies, fixes the nerdy kid's science project with a little webbing, tells him he's a super smart kid, and walks him home. 

MeekinOnMovies On....Hitman: GO

“Simplicity and repose are the qualities that measure the true value of any work of art.”

 - Frank Lloyd Wright 

 

The Hitman Series is a weird one. The first game came out over a decade ago, and there’s been four sequels since, all with interchangeable subtitles like “Absolution”, “Blood Money”, and “Silent Assassin” that conjure up a mind’s eye view of generic power fantasy blech.

In reality Hitman games are pretty heady - or at least want to be. From all kinds of religious subtext and orchestral arrangements, to trippy content and no-win plot scenarios, Hitman’s failing seems to be one of half measure. It can’t be the post-modern, dour, slow-burn thriller like the movie “Drive” is, and it doesn’t want to be the ballsy over-the-top campy game like “Max Payne” either. As a result the games live somewhere in the middle; truly bizarre titles with a variety of interesting - if not completely compelling, narrative ideas.

I bring this all up because despite what you may think, it has quite a bit to do with Hitman: Go, a simple, addicting, challenging, elegant, board game recently released for tablets.

10 Female Characters in Gaming We Loved - but Weren't "In Love" with.

There are many kinds of love. 

There’s romantic love, platonic love, paternal affection, obsessive bemusement - the fact of the matter is a simple four letter word like "love" can have endlessly complex meanings that are made all-the-more complex when you add the words “female” and “character” to the mix.

When it comes to gaming, female characters generally get a bad rap - they’re either written off, maligned, used as set dressing, have the personality of a picket fence, or are sexually fetishized to the point of caricature - mostly because of the institutional notion that gaming is for boys only.

Developers often focus on making characters boys will find appealing versus characters everyone will find endearing. It’s the difference between a 2014 Mustang GT and The Meth Cooking Van from Breaking Bad. The Mustang is cooler, sexier, more powerful, and you get a bit tight in the jeans when you hear the engine roar. But bang-for-buck, the Meth Van is the more endearing and ‘love’able car. It has personality. It’s unique. There are no other Breaking Bad Meth Vans, there are thousands of Mustangs. In much the same way, the characters we fall in love with don’t win us over with their polygonal d-cups or bump-mapped booties. We want strong characters.

Strong can mean many things. You can have a physically strong character without much depth or mental dexterity - like Faora in Man of Steel, a mentally resolute character without much physical strength like Jodie Foster in Contact, or a wonderfully complex character that is neither physically strong or intrinsically smart, but has many layers and nuances that make them compelling, like Sharon Stone’s character in Casino. You can have one that's all three - like Sarah Connor in Terminator 2.

Strong characters win us over with personality and complexity - and sure, nice legs can help, but the best characters in film, television, and gaming are more Meth Van than Mustang. They’re flawed, they’re sticky, they’re complicated - they rattle around in your head for awhile and you’re not quite sure why.

Thus, presented for your (dis)approval are 10 such sticky, complicated, rattling-around-in-your-head women you can’t help but love.

10) Naomi Hunter - Metal Gear Solid

Before Metal Gear Solid jumped aboard the full-steam-ahead crazy train with its sequels, it told a somewhat grounded in reality sci-fi / espionage tale. Along for that ride was an iconic cast including Solid Snake, Liquid Snake, Revolver Ocelot, Otacon, General Campbell, and a scientist with questionable motives - Naomi Hunter.

As the woman directly responsible for setting the conspiratorial elements of Metal Gear Solid in motion by injecting Snake with FoxDie, then ultimately regretting her actions, Naomi became a fascinatingly complex character. She turns from radio contact , to antagonist, to confidant, to proverbial cheerleader and world philosopher by the time the game ends.

Though the trope of the ‘vixen with secrets and questionable motives’ is nothing new, Naomi was the first time we saw it executed so flawlessly in an interactive media space. All her lines are fully voiced, she’s integral to many happenings in the plot, and quite a few of her personal revelations make her ‘evil’ actions sympathetic, which makes her a character you felt for emotionally.

Yes, sure it totally helps Naomi is smokin’ hot, but the ‘beauty’ of her character comes from how she’s just as battle scarred as everyone else in the game. She may not have ‘real’ blood on her hands like Snake or Ocelot or Campbell, but war has taken just as much from her as it has them. Possibly more - she never got a chance to fire back.

Her story is tragic, and her actions are understandable, which rarely happens in gaming, and happens rarer still with female characters in gaming. She was a dynamic character in one of the most dynamic games of all time and arguably the linchpin for the entire franchise. Players fell in love with Naomi because we felt for Naomi in ways that were complicated. We loved her, we hated her, regardless, we couldn’t stop thinking about her.

9) Princess Toadstool - Super Mario Bros. 2

This is hopefully the only situation where a female character makes it onto the list based on objectification alone. Face it Princess, we like ya for your floating hooptee. In Super Mario Bros 2, The Princess had the ability to levitate, thus making Mario Bros 2’s platforming roughly 64 percent easier for most players.

While there is little depth to Princess Toadstool character wise, Mario 2 was one of the first games that took our traditional idea of what a lady would be - in this case a princess with a billowing dress, and made it surprising and out-of-the-box.
While Samus was gaming’s first Femme Fatale, we never knew she was a she until the ending of the game. In Mario 2, gamers knew they were selecting a foofy-tooty, pinky-raised, lady girl, and did it over and over and over again because she had something to offer the other characters simply didn’t.

If that's not progress, I don't know what is.

8) Epona - The Legend of Zelda: OOT.

Riding Epona for the first time is an incredible experience. Yes, Epona is a horse, but doesn't everyone love their pets? She also represents the incredible amount of freedom the N64 could provide when it came to rendering outdoor environments - her very presence suggesting the game is so huge you'll need an extra form of transportation just to see it all.

From the majesty of her arrival to the way the music soars and hoofs hit the ground when seeing just how fast you can push her, there are very few experiences that truly capture the essence of a human's relationship with a beloved animal - Riding Epona made you want to ride a real horse.
 
She's a comfort after a retreat, a friend to celebrate a victory with, and a wonderful partner in crime when you first break her out of the ranch. In "Majora's Mask" you find yourself clinging to her as your last connection to lucidity, and it's an incredibly powerful image.

7) Citra - Far Cry 3

The lack of thrill in our day-to-day lives leads us to drugs, to booze, to skydiving, to auto-erotic asphyxiation and many other external release valves for those that live quiet lives of domestic desperation. We no longer hunt. We no longer build. We no longer brawl and tumble and assert our dominance by the will of our physical strength. These frustrations often manifest themselves in one way.

The Other Woman.

Men continuously cheat on their wives and girlfriends simply because they can. The temptation of something new and different and viscerally exciting is almost always too strong to ignore - it taps into something just to the right of the soul.

Far Cry 3's Citra is the idea of "The Other Woman" turned up to 11. She is everything your current life and current girlfriend is not. Exotic. Smart. Sexy. Dangerous. Powerful. She literally and figuratively seduces your character, pulling long dormant instincts out of game protagonist Jason Brody; a soft-handed suburban party boy. Jason has it all but feels empty. Citra gives him purpose.

The player can't help but be infatuated by her methods - she's brilliant in every way. She finds Brody has a particular talent for the way of the warrior. As he grows more cunning and bestial, he starts to disconnect with the friends he's been rescuing the whole game because they don't understand the new him. Only Citra does.

As the game marches to its unfortunate conclusion, it becomes apparent Citra isn't all she seems. But by then it's almost too late - you can't go back to where you were, and going with Citra means something you're not quite ready to accept - you're devoted too, and even love, Citra.

6) Tifa - Final Fantasy VII

If you close your eyes and think of the one person most responsible for your well-being, it's very rarely the same person you think of as your life's great love. While the romantic interest of Final Fantasy VII is Aeris, whose death made pubescent boys across the world cry (or claim to cry), the game’s soul lay in Tifa and Cloud’s relationship. That relationship climaxes when Cloud’s entire world is shattered, and Tifa brings Cloud back from the brink of mental extinction through sheer force of will.

A life-long friend to Cloud, the events of Final Fantasy VII reveal a great deal of their history with each other, including childhood dreams, their incredibly complicated feelings for each other and more than a few (very real) battle scars between the two. Tifa is compassionate, assertive, politically active (having her own eco-terrorism group), and a small business owner to boot. But beyond that, she's not afraid to challenge authority, tell it like it is, and stand up to the 'boys'.

Aeris is the character we cherish, but Tifa should be the character we should love - she's been there all along. She's Ducky from Pretty in Pink, happy to stand by your side, long-suffering, until eventually she's all you have left. In fact, if you make a couple proper in-game choices, the famous Golden Saucer date sequence happens between Cloud and Tifa instead of Cloud and Aeris.

Tifa didn't tug at your heartstrings the same way Aeris did. No, instead, she mended them back together, and in a world where more love is lost than found, that's the kind of loving friendship you can't help but appreciate.

5) Elizabeth - Bioshock: Infinite 

For being such a visually impressive game, Bioshock: Infinite does a lot of talking. Expository dialogue is frequent, and often times it feels like the game would be better as a thoughtful Tell-tale style adventure game instead of a graphically violent first person shooter.

However, the character of Elizabeth is instantly iconic. From the big, wide, Disney princess eyes, to her compassion for the NPCs do you *don’t* shamelessly murder, it’s easy to like Elizabeth. But we wouldn’t love her if it weren’t for a single scene.

Involving dancing.

After you break Elizabeth out of her library / prison, you eventually come across a beautiful, Cony Island-like, beach. The second you take your eyes off her, she wanders off to a group of people and the next thing you know she’s dancing with a most wonderful expression on her face. She is free, and wants you to join in. If you don’t press the button input or interact with her, she’ll be swaying her arms, kicking her feet, and twirling in circles for eternity - endlessly happy. 

Unfortunately the reality of the situation is you need to take Elizabeth out of that joyful state and continue on with the mission - in effect snatching back her long-sought freedom you gave her moments ago.

Which makes you feel like the biggest jack-ass ever, especially since you’re lying to Elizabeth about your reason for rescuing her in the first place. The guilt complies and complies as you move through the game and your character does many things out of your control - some to the benefit, some to the detriment, of Elizabeth, all the while hoping for the moment either Booker DeWitt, the game’s protagonist, comes clean and truly tries to help Elizabeth, or Elizabeth realizes what’s going on and sets out on her own.

I won’t spoil what happens or how, but rest assured the twists and turns in their fate are many and most are memorable. But Bioshock never reaches the heights of that one scene on the beach where metaphorical Rapunzel lets down her proverbial hair for what seems like the first and only time in her life - and you can’t help but love her for it.

4) Joanna Dark - Perfect Dark
Keep Hogwarts, J.K Rowling. Stow those Pistols, Laura.  We’ll be spending our nights with a spy so cold she’s a popsicle with a license to kill. A bombshell so bodacious you needed an expansion pack just handle her very presence. A dame so smokin’ her clothes appear melted onto her body.

Enter Joanna Dark, protagonist of Perfect Dark, the long-awaited followup to the classic N64 game Golden Eye. Lara Croft may be the queen bee when it comes to British lady dames of adventure, but Joanna always felt like the more maturely constructed character. Because Perfect Dark was a first person shooter, gamers never got around to fetishizing Joanna in the way Lara Croft was. Joanna’s boobs didn’t stick out three feet in front of her face, she wasn’t clad in a bathrobe as a bonus during a secret mission, and she kicked so.much.ass.

In much the same way James Bond is more an aura than a specific person, we fell in love with Joanna Dark the way we fell in love with Mary Poppins or Mrs. Doubtfire or Mother Superior from Sister Act. She inhabits a the very specific archetype of that stern, whip-smart, oddly polite, British authority figure that tells it like it is and has been winning over audiences for decades.

Now give that archetype then an arsenal the size of Ireland. awww yeahhh. Playing as Joanna, rampaging through Datadyne HQ in the game’s opening missions and reveling in the shocked gasps and sexist quips of bad guys you’re about to stone cold kill is the apex of what turn-of-the-century console gaming had to offer.

For a first person game that came out wayyyy back in 2000, you get a good sense of what she’s all about - namely kicking ass and shooting bad guys. Playing as Joanna felt smooth. Interacting with NPCs was interesting and memorable because we hadn’t seen that level of idle chatter in an n64 game before. That Joanna conveyed such personality and was fully voiced throughout the game’s cutscenes and radio conversations was a small miracle.

That Joanna existed at all was a bigger one. Making the main character of a violent first person shooter aimed at ‘boy’ gamers a lady was a substantial risk that was thankfully never mitigated by grotesquely playing up Joanna’s sexuality  the title, and in essence Joanna, was sold on solid gameplay and a character gamers could get behind and root for.
And we did, and do.

3) Bonnie MacFarlane - Red Dead Redemption

The best way to describe Bonnie MacFarlane from Red Dead Redemption would be for her to punch you in the face. Then, after, you'd chew some tobacco, aim for the closest spittoon, and slur out "Now that’s a woman!" while rubbing your new-found shiner.

Bonnie makes an immediate impact on the world of Red Dead Redemption, setting the tone for the 'old west' open world game, atmospherically, narratively, and mechanically. Kimberly Irion brings immense gravitas to the role, voicing a strong-willed, tough-as-nails rancher that watches her own hide, but may look after the hide of someone else if they seem like a decent enough person. In a very short amount of time the player learns about her, her family, and the people that count on her in a way that also introduces the player to the game world.

Because we want to get to know this character, the early tutorial missions that can typically be a slog in most open world games become a window in the life and times of a typical person in the old west, though Bonnie is anything but typical.

It's worth noting that John and Bonnie's relationship is platonic. There's a definitive connection between their personalities,but is a married man, in a rare show of restraint from Rockstar Games, he refuses to sleep with anyone the entirety of the game - despite perhaps a subtle advance from Bonnie.

Still, it's cool that two characters in a hyper-violent videogame can bond over something other than copulation. They get along swimmingly, and have strong values, and even better, Bonnie is a mentor to the player, and a colleague to John, creating an interesting dynamic where the character means one thing to the player, and another thing to the character the player inhabits.

2) Clementine - The Walking Dead

It takes balls to make the most important character of a zombie game an 8 year old girl named Clementine. While the main character is Lee, a typically assertive protagonist with a dark past, everything Lee does is reflected in the changing life and worldview of Clem - who is anything but a typical kid you’d find in a video game.

Clementine is easy to like and easy to care about. She feels like a real person first, kid second; you see her treehouse and rope swing in episode one, and she does kid-like things throughout the game. But in conversing with Clem there’s a uniqueness to her personality and an undercurrent of childlike optimism from her. She’ll pipe in with a line of dialog or question that catches you off guard because it’s something only a kid like Clem would say. She feels authentic.

Clem is also constantly watching Lee. Throughout The Walking Dead, you make tough choices done in the name of survival that have many morally gray aspects and can repugnant in the eyes of a child. When Clem asks you about these adult problems like zombies, or arguments, or a guy you murdered - figuring out how to convey the tough choices to her without sounding like a sociopathic monster, or scaring her, is tricky - often because she’ll hit you with a simple kid-like truth about your actions if they were abhorrent.

Thus you play The Walking Dead with Clem’s conscious hanging over your every move. If you really think about it, almost every choice in the game has you wondering what Clem will think of you afterwards. You know that cliche when someone says “I couldn’t look at my kids again if I did that”? Well this game has you do that thing you couldn’t do - and makes you feel absolutely awful for it, specifically because Clem is a character you want to do right by because she’s a good kid, versus one you should do right by to get the best ending or highest score.

At one point in The Walking Dead’s 3rd episode Lee goes from being Clem’s protector to being her de facto parent - cutting her hair and showing her how to survive in a world that has gone so very wrong, doling out hard-to-hear truths he may have been hiding. The message is clear: Lee might not always be there to help and Clementine must know how to survive on her own - even if it comes at the expense of the innocence that made us like her in the first place.

The Walking Dead reveals its soul during this sequence - taking what should be a scary zombie game and turning into a bittersweet fable about parenting, made all the more poignant by the game’s far-reaching system of choices with murky long-term consequences that speak to the paradox of parenting, namely how to balance the compulsion to nurture and protect someone you care for while preparing for them independence. And because Clem is such a likable character, these scenes really do pull at the heart. In a weird, strange, video-gamey way you’re raising a child and your ‘parental’ choices will weigh on you every time she acts on her own.

By the end of The Walking Dead you have a ferocious loyalty to Clem and the people you brought with you through the game’s five episodes - only for developers Telltale Games to rip your heart right out in a completely unexpected way where suddenly the only thing that matters in the entire world is Clem - and it is in those moments, where every ‘parenting choice’ you made begins to come to fruition,  you’ve never felt more connected to a character, and more responsible for their ultimate success or failure in the ‘real’ world. Bring tissues.

1) Tonya - Grand Theft Auto V 

Sometimes people break bad. Not in the cool meth empire way, but in the sad smoke too much crack and constantly make excuses for their lives and say things will get better tomorrow way. These people pop up in our lives over and over again, a little better, a little worse, but you know that regardless of what’s happening to them, you can’t help them unless they’re willing to help themselves. In Grand Theft Auto V that character is Tonya, a lifelong friend and former romantic acquaintance of Franklin, one of Grand Theft Auto V’s main characters.

Tonya is addicted to crack.

She breaks your heart. She goes on about the good ole days, makes excuses for her boyfriend that she supports because he provides a roof and a place to go, all the while trying to see if Franklin would sleep with her since she views him as a far more successful person. She’s a tortured soul looking outward for an inward kind of problem.

You end up meeting Tonya while doing tow truck missions Tonya’s boyfriend couldn’t do. She comes with you, talks your ear off, makes excuses for her situation, has mood swings, tries to insert herself into your life, and she’s a character that hits close to home for far too many players - everyone has that one friend you can’t think about with an elongated sigh and a shrug at what could have possibly went wrong.

But there’s a glimmer of something within Tonya that pulls you in. A hint of a personality that’s likable and endearing, which makes her current situation all-the-more paining. The problem with addicts is that they’re people you know and care about - and it’s often impossible to wrench them from the jaws of that cycle no matter how hard you try or how miserable they seem. You can even love the person, but what the substances do to that person forces you to disconnect before the pain becomes too great.

When people talk about well-rounded characters in games, people you care about - Tonya here is the brass ring. She may be weak, but her character is strong and complex. She does bad things, but is not a bad person. She has a multitude of flaws, but means well. She has a history, but isn't an expository device. It’s so difficult to cast judgement on her as just a drug addict, or just a hanger-on, or just a “ho” that you keep swinging by that tow truck again to see what she’ll say next, and hope maybe she’ll figure herself out.
She doesn’t.

Sometimes love ends poorly. Sometimes you meet and connect and care about someone despite their insanities, addictions, prejudices and failings because you see the glow of a soul somewhere deep down you need to pull out of the dark and let shine - and when you can’t you quite reach, need to get out before the darkness takes your soul, too.

Thus remembering Tonya is frustrating. For those that paid attention to her and cared, the resolution was nebulous and we never do find out what happened to her - which ironically feels just about right considering her situation, and still stings just a bit as it should.

In fact, as all love should.





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